Chaos in Titans Tower with a twist!
by Coffeebeads
Summary: Starfire's birthday has arrived along with new powers, again. This is my humor story. Seventh Chappy up!
1. Birthday?

**Disclaimer – I still don't own the Titans.**

So with Starfire's birthday rapidly approaching, the Titans make haste in preparing the celebration. With any luck, this party will go better than Raven's.

"Dude, if I know Star as well as I think I know, then she would definitely want milk-free ice-cream!" argued Beast Boy. Cyborg didn't even want to comment.

"Robin, how is the cake going?" asked Raven from across the room.

"Oh, fine. Hey, does anyone know where the mustard it?" asked Robin.

"I think Star ate the last-" Cyborg stopped talking realising the irrelevance of this question, "Robin… why do you need... … umm… forget I asked."

Cyborg was wrapping the gift for Starfire. The birthday girl herself was not in this room – for obvious reasons – she was still asleep. She wasn't accustomed to waking up at five in the morning.

Beast Boy was hanging a red dripping banner up on the wall. It eerily resembled blood oozing into words. "Hey guys, what do you think about the banner I made?"

"I think that 'Starfire' isn't spelt through a 'X'-

**(uncomfortable silence)**

-or an '8'" answered Raven.

"Oh man!" Beast Boy furiously painted more red paint over the letters and then commenced with rewriting it in black making it look even more sinister.

Raven was making the 'crown of meat'. She discovered it during her own birthday party and now will never forget it… It haunts her nightmares and disrupts her day… every waking moment. All of that _raw meat_. The blood was on her hands. She looked at them and it reminded her of Starfire. _Awww._

"There. I'm done." Said Beast Boy triumphantly. Sure enough, it was spelt without any 'Xs' or '8s' but the words represented something more like 'BLOODY MURDER' than 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'.

It was getting to the time when Beast Boy normally woke everyone up to force feed them tofu, they better wake Star now.

Beast Boy peeked through a small crack in the door of Star's room. It was too dark to see anything. He opened it wider and saw Starfire. Hovering above her bed. Sleeping. And glowing green. Her shirt hung loosely under her, all she was wearing was the shirt and underwear. And her eyes, they were open but motionless and dreary. Like a hypnotic beam hit them. She was slowly going up and down, up and down. Beast Boy was hypnotised.

It was pretty easy to hypnotise Beast Boy, Raven did it all the time. In odd moments he would break from the power and find himself in the dumpster at the back of an old takeaway, flapping his arms like a chicken while singing 'My Bonnie lies over the ocean' surrounded by tourists. The next day, he would find articles with incriminating photos of himself in it in the newspaper.

It wasn't until Raven came in to see Beast Boy drooling on Starfire's carpet and she dragged him out and slapped him back to his senses that he remembered what was going on.

"Raven, Starfire's flying!" exclaimed Beast Boy.

"Wow, you noticed," replied Raven in her sarcastic voice.

"No, I'm serious, she was hovering above her bed!" he stuttered.

"How unusual. Most people who can fly normally _can't_ do it over their beds. Anyway, what were you doing drooling at her. You really have to get more respect for women. She wasn't even dressed yet!" she shouted at Beast Boy.

"She hypnotised me-"

"-In her sleep?"

"She had her eyes open and she-"

"-Hypnotised you." Finished Raven.

"Thank you, finally you understand me!" cried Beast Boy. Raven sighed and walked to her room which was right next to Starfire's. Then there was a groan. "So you _don't_ believe be?" asked Beast Boy. There was a yawn. "Oh, now I'm boring you?" asked Beast Boy. There was a sound like two footsteps, and then some more footsteps. "Oh don't _you _walk away from me!" shouted Beast Boy getting aggressive. "_I'm _walking away from _you!"_ he shouted. There was the sound of a door whooshing open. "Oh look who's crawling back-"

He turned to see Starfire, fully dressed and standing outside the door. "Is it time for your today's chosen meat-substituted breakfast serving?" she asked casually.

"Um… sure?"

Starfire started to make her way downstairs and Beast Boy went to knock on Raven's door. No answer. "Raven come on…" No answer. The green bean decided to abandon the corridor and raced after Starfire. When she was nearly at the bottom of the stair, Beast Boy loudly and unusually shouted, "OK, LET'S GO HAVE BREAKFAST NOW!" He hears some rummaging from behind the door.

Starfire walked into the dark room and as she switched on the light she heard, "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY STARFIRE!" as they shouted this, Star's hair was sent flying backwards and she stayed wide-eyed stiff as a board. When they finished shouting in unison, she collapsed backwards still stiff as a board.

She got up and stared at them with a quizzical expression. "Is it currently the anniversary of my birth?" she asked.

There was an awkward moment. "Umm… isn't it?" asked Robin finally breaking the silence.

"I do not know… I am still unsure of your world's country's standard clock time." She answered.

"What about your world? How old are you there?" asked Cyborg.

"I am four and forty-ninth of my planet's years old. And judging by my biological body clock, I have not surpassed my date of birth lately and should not for another couple of your earth years. But of course, being away from my planet for so long, I may have miscalculated." She stated.

"Wait… you're four and a half years old? How long's your life expectancy?" asked Raven everyone looked at her, "just out of curiosity?" Beast Boy just noticed that she was here and that she beat him downstairs. He gave her a quizzical look and was about to say something but was interrupted by Starfire.

"My people tend to live for 76 years for females, 72 and a half for males and 67.134159 years for clefemales."

"76? That's like 6.4 years younger than earth's female… wait, what? Clefemales?"asked Robin.

"I was speaking of Tamaranian years, not earth years. My people's life expectancy in earth years must be … um… 270.82405345211581291759465478842.

**I'm not joking, I do math! If this is her 16th birthday, then that's right! **

And as for clefemales, well let us just say that you do not want to know, unless… do you by any chance prefer the company of men?"

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**I hope you liked my the first of my chappyrama! I'll write more as soon as I get some good reviews and some sleep, seriously, it's 9:48 pm here. I'm off to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail in my bedroom. Seeya later, Yellow Cheese.**


	2. Around the World

**Disclaimer – The Teen Titans do not belong to me. Please don't sue me or my ungainly lump of cheese.**

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**First of all, thank you for all of the reviews.**

**spirit1s**– thanks, and as you have just discovered, I've updated! Yay!

**The Lunar Kunoichi** – thanks for reviewing, and to answer your question, yes. She is indeed asking Robin if he is a homosexual (I don't like the word g-a-y).

**thebiggestfan** – thank you for your lovely review, you're right I did do the math. Me and my cheese-coloured calculator.

**Lalala5812 **– thank you for your lovely review. I love Monty Python too,

**1st soldier with a keen interest in birds**: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?  
**King Arthur**: Not at all. They could be carried.  
**1st soldier with a keen interest in birds**: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

He, he, he!

……………………………………

**In yesterdays episode we discovered that…**

…**The Titans thought it was Starfire's birthday…**

…**Starfire doesn't think that it is her birthday…**

**Etc… Etc… Etc… (we found out a whole heap of stuff but most of it was just filling)**

Yesterday's episode soundtrack replay…

Starfire walked into the dark room and as she switched on the light she heard, "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY STARFIRE!" as they shouted this, Star's hair was sent flying backwards and she stayed wide-eyed stiff as a board. When they finished shouting in unison, she collapsed backwards still stiff as a board.

She got up and stared at them with a quizzical expression. "Is it currently the anniversary of my birth?" she asked.

**Dun Dun Dun! **

……………………………………

**Back to reality…**

Beast Boy then seized the moment to ask Starfire why he caught her hovering over her bed in her sleep, "Hey, Star, when I went to wake you, you were kind of… um… flying? Above your … err… bed? Any reason for that?" he faltered.

"I do not… um… understand… your … err… question." She stuttered as a crude attempt at mocking Beast Boy's tone.

"You were sleeping above your bed-" Beast Boy was interrupted by Starfire.

"-is that not how most humans sleep?" she asked.

"No, I meant two feet above your bed. And your eyes were open and you were glowing!" he shouted illustrating everything with his arms.

"I do not know of a reason why." She claimed honestly.

"Err, Beast Boy, are you sure you know what you're talking about? I mean you do have an overactive tendency to over exaggerate things." he asked.

"I do not!" complained Beast Boy. "Name one time!"

"Just yesterday! You said meat was going to take over the world so you chained yourself to that meat restaurant and started a protest." Intruded Cyborg.

"How did that go again?" asked Raven.

"He lost the key and needed the toilet after twenty minutes. I hope you're wearing clean underwear today Beast Boy," said Robin.

"Okay, okay. But I am telling the truth. Star was hovering abo-" he was cut off, the giant plasma television turned on and on the screen was Galfore, Starfire's 'nanny'.

"My dear Koriand'r, how are you on your anniversary of birth?" he asked.

"So it _is_ my birthday?" asked Starfire.

"Well, you may not have known but Tamaran has recently acquired the Earthen time schedule. Today is your sixteenth … hmm… birthday." He informed. "I trust you will stay on Earth and _not _come visit for there is a war going on and we do not want you to get involved."

"A _war?_ What planet would dare attack Tamaran? Tamaran is the single most aggressive civilization in our universe." Stated Starfire.

"It is those dim-witted 'Carrotcreatures' or 'Veggie Table 8'." He sighed, "They consider it fit to take over our universe, it is the twenty-eight consecutive war they've faced unsuccessfully seeking universe conquest. I pity them. But, I really must go. The Carrotcreatures have sent forth all of their allies, the grapeguys, the plantpotpeople and the manuremen. This is going to get ugly. So long!" the screen blanked out.

"So, Star. What do you want to do on your birthday?" asked Robin grinning widely.

"I have been considering it and have decided that I have not seen much of your planet and would very much like to," she stated. She smiled widely beyond sanity. Raven looked at her and suddenly lightened up.

"That's a great idea, Starfire. Let's go!" shouted Raven with an unusual smile on her face. There was no sarcasm in her voice, she was not making fun of anyone and she was not cursing terrible things to happen to mankind. This was not like Raven at all, thought Starfire. But no one seemed to notice.

The Teen Titans were wearing common clothes, a suggestion from Starfire, like jeans, colourful t-shirts and anything else you might find in a fanfiction writer's wardrobe.

**Not my wardrobe, of course, otherwise they'd all look like hippies.**

They were in London looking at the city from the London Eye. Starfire had a camera and was taking lots of photos.

**Instead of me writing everything they did and everything they saw, I will tell you about her photo scrap book.**

It was only one o'clock and Starfire was looking down at all of the photos;

The Titans were in front of the sphinx in Egypt, in front of the pyramids, looking at a mummy, Beast Boy was using the mummies hand to pick it's nose, the Titans were eating pizza in Italy, walking over a bridge over one of the Canals. In France, Cyborg was eating snails and Beast Boy looked sick. Robin and Starfire were standing together, very close together under the romantic Eiffel Tower. In the next photo was the Titans in Russia

**I can speak Russian!**

Beast Boy was freezing his butt off and Cyborg was wearing a fuzzy hat. Strangely everyone was smiling, even Raven who rarely did so.

When they got home, they still had half the day. "Robin, we went all over the world but we didn't explore the country on which we currently live on." Said Starfire.

"Yeah, we really should visit some famous places in America." Agreed Beast Boy.

"Yeah man, Chucky Cheese here we go!" added Cyborg grinning insanely.


	3. President

**Disclaimer – The Teen Titans do not belong to me. Neither do any American monuments or memorials. Or George Bush. And I cannot chose the president of the United States of America. I haven't a carrot stick in the world. **

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**First of all, thank you for all of the reviews.**

**thebiggestfan**** – **thanks for reviewing, Chucky Cheese is an American diner that sells pizza and has electronic animals singing songs and stuff. I never went to America, I live in UK but I heard of Chucky Cheese for Dexter's Lab back when I enjoyed it.

**lalala5812**** – **thanks for reviewing, nice to see someone appreciates coconuts as much as I do!

**If I did not thank you for reviewing it is because while I am writing this, there are only two reviews up. Sorry if you're not in there.**

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**Last episode's playback:**

When they got home, they still had half the day. "Robin, we went all over the world but we didn't explore the country on which we currently live on." Said Starfire.

"Yeah, we really should visit some famous places in America." Agreed Beast Boy.

"Yeah man, Chucky Cheese here we go!" added Cyborg grinning insanely.

……………………………………

**Back to my imaginary time-space reality…**

The Titans decided to visit some historical monuments and landmarks (Starfire's idea).

They stood under the statue of liberty as Star read out a leaflet, "The Statue of Liberty is one of the best known American landmarks. It was a gift to the United States from France to commemorate their alliance during the American Revolution."

"I hear the French used 89 percent recycled material and that the head is made entirely out of rubbish." Claimed Beast Boy.

"And I hear they didn't," deadpanned Raven.

They then went to the Golden Bridge. The guys stood on the very top of the spans while the girls flew nearby. Starfire was squeaking in excitement as she flew around different parts of the bridge and nearly got run over by a lorry.

Raven was reading the leaflet, "The Golden Gate Bridge was built in 1937 to connect the city of San Francisco to Marin County across the Golden Gate Strait."

Robin looked at it suspiciously, "Didn't I fracture my arm around here?"

"And isn't that Johnny Rancid down there being chased by police cars?" asked Raven. Johnny Rancid was zooming away on his motorcycle with a golden monkey head under his arm. The police weren't having much luck catching him.

"Titans GO!" shouted Robin as he jumped down from the 1.2 mile tall span with an amazing land. The girls followed but the screen moved away from Cyborg and Beast Boy before the audience found out how they got down. **Just like in many typical television cartoon shows.**

Starfire threw energy balls at the road just in front of Rancid damaging the road and missing Rancid but throwing him off balance. He swerved uneasily around the holes in the road but overcame the obstacle.

Raven caused the lights around him to explode sending glass at Rancid. It somehow missed him but did pop his tires. Rancid got off of the motorcycle and got out an extendable staff. Robin got his out. They fought a long hard battle, breaking asphalt and damaging cars as the battle quickly moved towards the cars that had obediently stopped until a blue energy blast knocked the staff out of Johnny's hands. The blue blast did not only remove the staff from Johnny's crutches, but also hit the span behind it causing some of the suspension spans (the thin wires) to snap from the vibration.

Johnny retreated to the motorcycle where he had left the monkey head unattended and tried to make a break for it. He grabbed the monkey head and ran but little did he know that there was a tiny spider sitting on the head. It quickly turned into a monkey and surprised the criminal. Johnny screamed and dropped the monkey head. The green monkey tried to pick up the head but did not manage. He turned into Beast Boy's human body and tried again with little more success.

As for Johnny, he went into a fit of hysterics on the ground.

The Titans looked at the destroyed scene with pride. Just then, the mayor came running towards them, "The Teen Titans? May I say, congratulations! The golden monkey head you saved is worth slightly more than the damage you have caused! Congratulations, congratulations!" he shouted as he shook each of their hands. In the background, the police are seen taking Johnny away as he whispered to himself at a rapid pace, _'the monkey took my monkey, the monkey took my monkey.'_

The Titans wasted no time with the rest of the day, they visited Mount Rushmore, Washington monument, Lincoln memorial, the war memorial, the capitol building and finally, the white house!

They went up to the tour guide who instantly recognised them and bade them to enter. They followed him as he took them to meet the president. They entered a room where George Bush sat doing paperwork. He didn't even look up and just said, "What is it, Prescott? I'm a busy man."

"I wanted you to meet someone." Stated an excited Prescott.

"Who is it now?"

"Have you ever heard of… (dramatic pause)"

"Look, I have no time for your dramatic pauses. I have to- Teen Titans?" George got us and walked around the desk to the nervously smiley Titans, "It is a _pleasure _to meet you all!"

"Pleasure to meet you too, sir!" said Robin.

"Just look at them, what manners, _'sir',_" he chuckled to Prescott. "What brings you here?"

"Mr. Prescott," answered Raven.

"It's Starfire's birthday and she wanted to see some famous American landmarks," corrected Robin.

"Well, Happy Birthday, Starfire!" said Mr. Bush.

"Thank you, Mr. Bush. I have been most curious of the many jobs you do around America. Please, what is a president?" she asked.

The president was a little confused by how thick someone can be. "She's not from around here. Actually, she's an alien," said Robin.

"From the planet Tamaran!" Starfire said looking completely retarded.

"Well butter me up and call me a hot dog!" Mr. Bush was astonished, "Well my job is to… you know… do stuff like…" he grabbed a dictionary, "Ah, here it is,

One appointed or elected to preside over an organized body of people, such as an assembly or meeting.

_Abbr. _**Pres.**

The chief executive of a republic.

**President** The chief executive of the United States, serving as both chief of state and chief political executive.

The chief officer of a branch of government, corporation, board of trustees, university, or similar body."

"That doesn't sound so hard," stated Star.

"You know, you're right. Other than all of those assassins, dealing with protests and having to make fake promises to the public, being a political leader in one heck of a picnic. You know, I bet you'd make a good one," he said. He was wearing a cheesy smile. Everyone was wearing one lately. _Was this an earth tradition? Be nice to the birthday person?_ Wondered Starfire. "You know what? I insist! You should be the president. Of course, we will need to check with the others first. Come with me!" he grabbed her arm and took her to two big wooden doors. He told her to wait there.

_American president? Why not? I was grand ruler of Tamaran! _She thought. But then she remembered how her friends reacted to it. But now, all of her friends were happy for her, just standing there with big beyond sanity grins on their faces. Starfire got a big boost of confidence.

Mr. Bush entered the room where there was a long table of men and several women. They all stared at him and his demented grim. "Hey everyone, there's this little girl over here who thinks she's better than me. You might consider her prettier as well. I know I do! She would be a great political leader and she has nice hair!"

All of the people at the table suddenly shook their heads and murmured _no, never, we like the one we've got now._ Just then Starfire slid into the room, "Hello, I think that I will make a much better preseedent than your current one."

All of a sudden a wave of agreement swept over the crowd. _Yeah, you know, she's right. Duh! Definitely. _

**What could have changed the people's minds? Why does everyone suddenly agree with Starfire? Why does printer ink taste suspiciously like cauliflower? You may find out next time! Or you may not, depends on how nice I feel.**

**To be continued! (the three most evil words in the universe)**

**Well, George Bush. If you are reading this now for whatever reason, please forgive me for the slam about you. I didn't mean it about you, I don't know you!**


	4. Election

**Disclaimer – I am not currently, or have never been, a part in the democratic system. I also have never been of any usefulness in a third party. Oh yeah, I don't own TT.**

**I'm sorry that I didn't post this chapter sooner, I really was a bit upset with the number of reviews decreasing. :(**

**thebiggestfan**** and ****spirit1s **thank you for your review! Actually I don't know if printer ink does taste like cauliflower but you are free to try it out so long as you don't sue me for any unwanted side affects.

Starfire walked onto a stage. A BIG stage. Laced with red, blue and white ribbons. She was surrounded by many politicians, news reporters and camera people. She felt a bead of sweet run down her forehead.

Everyone was talking, loudly. One person shouted 'shhh', he was quickly joined by a half dozen other people going 'shhh'. Soon everyone was noisily going 'shhh'.

Everyone stopped as Starfire started to talk, "When I wondered whether to fill in the form that suggests the undetermined chance of my variable of possibly ruling this country, I did not expect so many of you, my public to come, cheer me on, and dribble on me."

A slight pause, "Ladies and gentlemen, hoboes and tramps, cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants. I come before you to stand behind you, to tell you something I know nothing about. Next Thursday, which is Good Friday, I reluctantly welcome you warmly into the great comfort of a tiny voting cubical. Please bring a chair and sit on the floor, come in freely but wait at the door. Who wins is up to what you say, today I'll rule U.S.A!"

Another pause, suddenly the crowd erupted into cheers and claps and hoorays. Robin went up to Starfire on the stage and patted her back, "nice choice of words!" he was wearing an … _interesting_ expression.

An hour later, Starfire was working on her policies in the tower with Beast Boy playing with an elastic band sitting on a chair with his legs up on the table. "You know what would be cool, a policy saying everyone has to abandon meat. Say it has germs. Or you could make up a disease, bird flue… no it's taken, meat flue… nah too obvious…"

"Very interesting Beast Boy, I'll… file it under a maybe," said Starfire.

Cyborg comes into the room with Robin talking, "Hello friends, Cyborg, isn't today the six month anniversary of your begirlfriendment of Bee?"

**In my story, Cyborg and Bee are going out. Man, why can't Cyborg and Bee just stop being stubborn for a moment to realise they're perfect for each other!**

"Err, is it?" Starfire nodded, "Well… so?"

"I know, mad cow disease!" interrupted Beast Boy.

"So what are you going to do with her?" asked Starfire. Cyborg didn't seem very interested in the conversation about his girlfriend. **Men.**

Raven came into the room, she apparently overheard, "I know, why don't you declare a national holiday?" she asked in her usual dead sarcastic monotone voice.

"That is a great suggestion!" shouted Starfire.

"No point." Deadpanned Beast Boy.

"Why not?" asked Starfire.

"It's a weekend."

A few minutes later, everyone was gathered around the stage to see the new president. A lady with clearly visible sharp cheekbones, big breasts, a perfect tiny nose and pearly white teeth stood up with a microphone. She looked almost plastic in the sunshine. And her hair, wow! It was a perfectly perfect vision of perfection. Every blond curl and slightly darker highlights. It could cause a fire in an anthill if the sun shined through it's already perfect shininess. You know, people say that if you look at a vision of perfection for long enough, you'll start to act like a potty-mouthed gitterbug that can't spel four der life. The curly curlyness of the curls of curlishesness just curl the curly curl curl. And the bodi, just as culy as the as the curly hair of curliness arroooooaga! Huh huh huh, honk honk! Aaaaaooooooooo…

**The writer of this story has been sacked. The new writer is much more formal and has spell check on their computer.**

The woman who obviously had plastic surgery stood in front of the millions that had gathered to watch and said, "Now for the moment you've all been waiting for, the announcement of the new president of the United States of America. … And now the vote is in. The new president is …Koriand'r of Tamaran, also known as Starfire!"

The crowd once again cheered until their throats were soar as a tongue that has just gone through a large pile of Christmas card envelopes.

Starfire was president! Just imagine the corruption!

**Sorry the chappy's so short, I promise a longer chapter next time but I thought it would be a good place to stop. Keep reviewing and here are some things to think about…**

…**Office Fun Fact: You're fired**

…**If the plural of goose is geese**

**Why isn't the plural of moose, meese?**

**P.S. There might have been some confusion, when I was freaking out over the creepy face-lift woman, I was imitating a guy. I'm really a girl.**

**+ Little Miss. Dinner is ready when the fire alarm goes off **


	5. Why Bother?

**Disclaimer – Don't own TT, don't own ABA bus services. YOU ROCK PUBLIC TRANSPORT FOR OLD, POOR AND CHEAP!**

**Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews! Also, I need you all to know that this scene has parts in it that may remind you of my other story, Witch Trials.**

Starfire was president, imagine the corruption!

In her first hour of …um… presidency, Star set out in creating a better USA.

**Policy #1 : If you have feelings for another, admit it.**

**Law # 1 : Do not admire your loved ones from a far.**

**Policy # 2 : Recycle.**

**Law # 2 : Do not litter.**

**Policy # 3 : Give at least $10 to charity each day.**

**Law # 3 : Not being kind to poor is not nice.**

And with these few policies and laws, Star started to run her campaign against smoking and drinking and taking drugs. "Do you want your lives shortened considerably? Do you want to catch the asthma or even worse _cancer? _You may or may not like me but I still think nicely of you!"

**Policy # 4 : Pets should be free to do as they wish.**

**Law # 4 : Do not spay your pets.**

**Policy # 5 : Use public transportation more often.**

**Law # 5 : Do not increase the green house effect.**

**Policy #6 : Spend quality time with family.**

**Law # 6: When asking how your relatives day was, actually listen.**

Starfire was having lots of fun creating laws and claiming followers. The only question is, are the laws working? Starfire decided to visit court. She slipped through the back door and took a seat at the back bench. The judge was wearing a grey wig and had a little mallet in his hands.

A young teenager came out and sat on the judge's side. The judged asked his plead. "I plea guilty."

"Let the records show that this young boy knew all along that is acts were wrong." Boomed the judge.

"But the only reason I didn't donate $10 to charity at the right time was because my family are poor and starving themselves."

"Do you own home?"

"Yes."

"Let the records show that the guilty is homeowner and is therefore not considered poor. Not yet. You are sentenced to five hours of community service and a $100 fine."

"$100? I haven't go that much. I'd have to sell my father's house!"

The judge cut in, "Then you will become poor and then get money from complete strangers."

"And eventually earn enough money to buy the house back but then he will once again find himself in the same position as he did before. Enough money to own a house but not enough to donate money and will once again find himself homeless. I hardly consider this fair!" Starfire interrupted.

"Let the record show that somebody interrupted and oh- President Starfire- I did not see you!"

"Please, do not be harsh on people, you know where I'm coming form, don't you? I mean- you're a woman too-"

"I am a man!" shouted the judge removing the wig. "And I am only following your orders. Persecute upon first offence."

"It has only been an hour!"

"And already I have persecuted thirty-nine people. Twenty-eight of which being children no older than eight."

"What happened to them?"

"Three of them wet their pants, apart from that- they were all sentenced to hours of community service."

"But they are not old enough to be responsible for their actions," plead Starfire.

"You did not make any comments on age in your policies and laws."

"My word is law!"

Almost instantly news reporters appeared and a newspaper was published an hour later.

**Breaking News**

"My word is law!"

The new president of the United States of America has contradicted her own laws and much quicker than the past presidents. There is a new breakout of homeless and many old businesses are going downhill. On a brighter topic, many new industries and companies profit margins have skyrocketed! Many of the owners were previously homeless. Is there a relation to the new law to give $10 to the poor every day? Read page 7 through to 12 to find out more.

The bus company ABA, established 1926, has really been 'going places'! **(Cheesy, and it isn't the least bit funny!)**

In an unrelated topic, a suicide bombing has taken place in some state somewhere **(oh let's say… Missouri … and Nebraska) **This unfortunate event occurred killing 41 passengers travelling on an ABA bus. More on pages 3 to 7.

There will be an outbreak in the domesticated pet population. With many newly pregnated **(sp? If that even _is_ a real word)** cats, dogs, guinea pigs, hamsters, rabbits, and many more. An estimated 30 increase will occur to the animals and there will soon be more pets than people.

And as our final topic to discourage our evil dictator, many employees are staying overtime at work to avoid endless discussions from their loved ones part about how many pounds they may have lost. Or about that slut at their work place that thinks she's above everyone. Marriage tips on page 8. Unless you have already divorced. Likely.

**End of Front Newspaper**

Starfire was astonished to find that there were several assassins on her tail. Almost as astonished as they were to discover her purple tank top like thing was bullet proof. And her skin resisted fire. And her body wasn't affected by carbon monoxide.

All of these things discouraged Starfire. Is it really worth being a president?

**Sorry for the tiny chappy. **


	6. Vandal's Parade

**Disclaimer – standard disclaimer applies Bananas yawns and then falls asleep**

**Raven – You have to wake up, your story's not finished.**

**Bananas – Five more minutes Mommy, I need my napnap**

**Raven – If you don't wake up now I'll send you to another dimension!**

**Bananas – Mommy, I wet my bwanky!**

**Starfire – What is going on here?**

**Beast Boy – Dudette, this dudette would wake!**

**Starfire – Why do you need her to?**

**Robin - sigh she's writing about our story, and we need her to … well… live.**

**Starfire - gasp Quick! Poke her with the stick of poking Poke Poke**

**Bananas – Arrggg… I'm a pirate.**

**Starfire – I strongly suggest that you wake up!**

**Bananas - suddenly rises and types furiously I'm up, I'm up! Let the story commence! **

**Cyborg – man, whatdju do to 'er?**

**Starfire - gazing into space pensively I do not know.**

And now that the story teller is wide awake and quietly cursing Starfire for poking so hard, the story can continue. And before we continue, the author would like to point out that she has _not_ kidnapped any of the Titans and they are _not_ currently residing under my little bed gagged and tied up for a rainy day.

Starfire stood once more before the huge crowd and into her microphone she shouted, "I have decided to get rid of all of the laws I created in the last hour."

When she left the stage she walked over to her friends who were smiling insanely at her. (Even Raven)

"Erm… hello! Friends?"

"Hello, Starfire!" they said in unison.

"Shouldn't you dismiss your public?" suggested Robin.

"Why, yes. Of course!" she turned towards the crowd and snapped, "Go home!" she then turned back to her friends, "Shall we go back to the Titans' Tower were we reside?"

"Yes!" they shouted in unison once more.

"Yes… friends, may I say something?"

"You're president, of course you can!" said Beast Boy.

"You've also got a mouth, you don't need to be a president!" said Cyborg.

"Well," said Starfire unsurely, "You are beginning to _creep_ me … out?"

"I'm surprised you didn't say that the first time you met Raven!" shouted Beast Boy.

"I'm surprised you haven't got a fat lip yet!" snapped Raven.

"Please, do not fight, violence is not the answer!" said Starfire.

"Of course not, how could I have been so rude?" said Raven slowly while gazing thoughtfully into space.

"Let us now go to the Titans' Tower were we reside," said Robin, also gazing thoughtfully into space.

They got back to Titan's Tower to find… dun dun DUNNNNN! dun. Toilet paper hanging from walls, graffiti on every inch of the tower and … eggs.

"What has happened to our beloved home?" wondered Starfire.

"Oh man! Someone stole my Game Station X!" shouted Beast Boy as tears streamed down his eyes.

"My CAR!" everyone went over to the garage to find the T-car with broken windows and bents. Cyborg wrapped around the front of the car, "my baby. She never even got to take us to Disney Land." He sobbed as her patted the top of the car affectionately, "Sleep well, fair princess."

"What has happened?" wondered Starfire.

"Vandals," stated Raven as she floated from her room to join the others. No one saw her leave the others. Ooweeoo. "Just look at my books!" she took one of hr books from under her arm and opened it. Confettied paper flew out.

Starfire immediately flew to her room with her friends at her tail. She took a deep breath and turned the handle. When she entered her room, she gasped. Written all over the walls was, "World's worst president. Vandals' best friend." Or, "World's worst president. Villains' best friend." And for some reason, on one wall was written, "I hate Mondays."

**Sorry it's short. I've got writer's block. Please help me, I ran out of ideas.**


	7. Boots

**Disclaimer – I do not own TT, I do own the disclaimer disclaiming me from rights to the Teen Titans though, I also own a disclaimer disabling me from creatin a 6th season and I bet everyone hates me for owning that disclaimer!**

_Starfire immediately flew to her room with her friends at her tail. She took a deep breath and turned the handle. When she entered her room, she gasped. Written all over the walls was, "World's worst president. Vandals' best friend." Or, "World's worst president. Villains' best friend." And for some reason, on one wall was written, "I hate Mondays."_

Starfire fell forward onto her knees and sobbed into her hands. "This is the price to pay for ridding the country of laws," she sighed to herself. "I gave what all law breakers would wish for and this is how they repay me?"

"The law breakers _would_ do this. With no laws to keep them under control, they have nothing to break," commented Robin.

"Except _this _place," muttered Raven.

Starfire turned towards her friends, "how lucky I am to have friends like you to cheer me up when I am under the bad weather." She smiled a watery smile at her friends who all instantly smiled cheesy grins back at her.

"**You're welcome**," they all said together.

"Uh… yes, well. Let us go shopping and take our minds off of this hovel," she suggested.

"**As you wish**," they all said together.

At the mall, Star was franticly flying around and gazing in delight at all of the shop windows. "Once we have finished scaling every inch of every shopping section, how about we _enter_ them?" she suggested excitedly.

"**As you wish**," they all said together.

Starfire flew in front of a shop and looked up at the name, "hmm, Robin, why does this indoor market only sell 'the Boots'? Would it not be more profitably if it sold whatever you needed?"

"No Star, that's just the name- whyyes,itwouldbemoreprofitableifitsoldwhateveryouneeded," he said quickly while wearing a dazed look. Starfire stared at him, she waved her hand in front of his face, he just smiled wider and started drooling. "Your hand smells like cheese tofu. Ya. Cheese tofu." He said awkwardly. Starfire chose to ignore this and went inside the 'Boots' shop.

She went up to the lipstick and looked at all of the colours. She took out her favourite colour to find that it had 'tester' written on it. "Oooo," she said entranced. A second later, every one of her friends was around the 'tester' and they all together said, "**Oooo**."

"Behold the mighty tester. With this tester yield high I shall defeat all enemies!" exclaimed Starfire.

"With a …lipstick?" asked Raven before regaining her dazed look.

"Lipstick? No, I mean this … how you say, lightsaber!" she shouted excitedly. Her friends maintained their dumbstruck confused faces and stared in awe as Starfire frantically waved the lipstick around and poked it in random places. When at last Starfire managed to open the tube, a bright pink stick came out. Star squealed in delight. She gasped, "this is even better than a lightsaber! Forget the defeat of enemies when you can accessorise them instead!"

Every shopkeeper they met bent over backwards to satisfy the president. Last minute discounts for any ware that Star wanted, finding exactly what Star wanted, paying for it with his or her own money and all while wearing a cheesy smile and dazed emotionless look in the eye.

"May I just say I really enjoyed shopping here!" exclaimed Starfire as she made her way out of the shop with her friends at her tail and a moose by her side (hauling the immense shopping bags on his green antlers).

"And I have enjoyed shopping with you!" exclaimed Raven, "Three and a half months ago you suggested that we go to the spa together, I took some time to think about your offer and have reconsidered your proposal. The. Spa. Is. A. Place. Of. Peace. And. Relaxation. And. Tranquillity." She stated awkwardly. Starfire recalled that that was the exact phrase that she used when trying to convince Raven to go.

Star threw down the one shopping bag that she was holding to the ground and stopped dead in her tracks. Beastboy turned into a human with antlers of shopping bags on his head and bent down to pick up the bag, when it was back on his head he regained his moose like exterior. "Is something the matter?" asked Cyborg, "Or did you simply lose interest in carrying a shopping bag?"

"I am simply losing interest in my friends!" cried Starfire, "Ever since my birthday celebration you have all been acting strangely and have lost all personality. Is there a reason for this or are you all just trying to get back at me for loading your food with Zorkoberries?"

Her friends said nothing.

Starfire growled and took off towards into the sky.

Her friends came home to find that Starfire wasn't there but instead hanging on the door was a note with bright pink lettering. It stated;

_Dear whomsoever this note may concern,_

_I, Starfire, have left to go home and will not come back until further notice. That is, until my friends have regained their mental capacity and individuality, which, judging by Beastboy's current state, may take some time. If you need me, I am not that far away. Just 2.3 billion light years north north east and up from your quadrant. Fare well._

_Starfire_

As soon as the group had finished reading the note, they all went wide-eyed and shook their heads involuntarily. "Why would Star want to leave?" asked Cyborg.

"I feel strange," Beastboy held on to her head and nearly lost balance for a moment, "as if I haven't walked for a week and just got up too quickly!"

Just then, Raven felt forwards onto her knees and grasped her head tightly between her palms. Robin bent down and put his hand on her shoulder, "Raven, are you okay?" he asked.

Through groans, Raven mustered, "No, feels like I haven't meditated in weeks!" She quickly ran inside but stopped dead in her tracks. Looking wide-eyed from one place to another, she shakily released a breath that she didn't notice she was holding. All around her was unfamiliar graffiti, eggs and toilet paper. Suddenly her headache came back and she ran through the garbage to her room.

Her friends came inside and found themselves wearing the same expressions as Raven had. They all went different ways to investigate.

"ARGGG! THE TOILET!" Beastboy shouted as he ran away from the bathroom with an even greener face than usual.

Cyborg came into the common room with a slightly pale face. His bottom eyelid twitched as if he just saw a ghost. "My car," he mumbled, "My beautiful car. My beautiful little land vehicle with large sound speakers."

Raven stayed in her room meditating all day, no one had actually done much, if any damage. When finally she came out, she found Beastboy and Cyborg cleaning. They were wearing aprons and were harbouring mops and buckets, "Now if only I had a camera," stated Raven as she flew past them towards Robin's room. She found him rearranging criminal files. "Anything missing?" she startled him, "Yeah, whoever came here while we were gone stole their own criminal files, big giveaway to who broke in. Luckily I have everything saved in the computer," he said as he typed feverishly at the keyboard.

"Anything_ else_ missing?" she asked from the doorway.

There was a pause, "why would she leave on her own free will? The letter she wrote made no sense."

"It didn't. But you know where she is."

**HI GUYS, I AM SO SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN FOR SO LONG, I'M TRYING TO FINISH IT FOR YOU SO AS YOU ARE READING THIS, I ALREADY HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER ON THE MOVE. AS A SORRY PRESENT, I'LL GIVE YOU A STICK PERSON.**

**:)-00**

**HE LIKES YOU.**


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